Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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