just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
