VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
