My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
