Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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