so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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