Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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