I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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