When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
