Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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