between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
