So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
