We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
