i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
