the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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