I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
it glows. i had to have it.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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