I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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