I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
