Your tits are I can't wait for
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
