I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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