When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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