I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
