literally had 100 drinks last night.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
