Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
