You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
