Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
