I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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