My hair reeks of homosexuality.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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