there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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