Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
the day after is always just damage control
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
