All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
