Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I forgot how hot balto sounded
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
