This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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