Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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