...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
