Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
