I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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