I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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