Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
