I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
