Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
