we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
