so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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