Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
