your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
