Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
