You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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