It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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