I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
