Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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