I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
