So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
