Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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